June 23, 2011 at 12:58 pm
I was hoping I’d never have to make this widget, but if you look at the right sidebar of my blog you can see how many days it has been since Java Bean broke a glass. (Note: You may need to refresh your browser to load the new stylesheet.) I’d thought about making this counter before, but I’d hoped Java Bean’s glass breaking days were over. Alas, I was wrong. Oh, so wrong.
We can train our pets, but our pets train us too. For instance, the sounds of mewing and pawing at the door at 6:00am have trained me to stumble to the kitchen, pour some cat food and then crawl back into bed. When a cat starts cuddling me excessively or pawing at my face outside of feeding time, I know he wants to play. And Java Bean has trained me to never, ever leave a glass on a table unattended unless I want to be sweeping sharp fragments off the floor and/or discovering a shard with my bare feet months later. (Do you know how hard it is to keep a band-aid stuck to the bottom of your foot?)
Java Bean has broken over ten glasses, two plates, and one beloved coffee mug over the past few years. (I’m evidently not a fast learner, but I swear I can be trained!) Krupke never pulls shit like this, because he is a good kitty. The Bean is so bad that I literally had only two glasses left earlier this year, which meant I couldn’t have more than one person over to my apartment at once. I bought a new set of 12 from Bed, Bath and Beyond with one of those ubiquitous 20% off coupons and vowed to vigilantly protect them from felines.
We are now down to 10 glasses from that set. I broke one myself in my stainless steel sink when it failed to bounce. Last night Java Bean broke another one, despite the fact that I never leave a glass on a table for even 10 minutes after I’ve finished drinking from it. Java Bean has upped his game and pounced within that 10 minute window. He was probably inspired by the PBS special I was watching on the Columbia shuttle accident and tried to stage a reenactment. Then he started licking water droplets off of the SHATTERED GLASS, causing me to scream, “Stop doing that!” like the mother of an adventurous toddler. Then I locked him in the bedroom.
I might start taking bets on how high the counter will go until I have to reset it. Feel free to post your predictions below!
*PS – Yes, I know the counter currently says “1 days” which is improper use of the plural. Please do not sick the grammar police on me. It’s only wrong for one day and I didn’t want to make two graphics and write a PHP subroutine to adjust my CSS accordingly on that day. I have to stand guard around my dishware instead.