Glass breaker

Bad kitty!

I was hoping I’d never have to make this widget, but if you look at the right sidebar of my blog you can see how many days it has been since Java Bean broke a glass. (Note: You may need to refresh your browser to load the new stylesheet.) I’d thought about making this counter before, but I’d hoped Java Bean’s glass breaking days were over. Alas, I was wrong. Oh, so wrong.

We can train our pets, but our pets train us too. For instance, the sounds of mewing and pawing at the door at 6:00am have trained me to stumble to the kitchen, pour some cat food and then crawl back into bed. When a cat starts cuddling me excessively or pawing at my face outside of feeding time, I know he wants to play. And Java Bean has trained me to never, ever leave a glass on a table unattended unless I want to be sweeping sharp fragments off the floor and/or discovering a shard with my bare feet months later. (Do you know how hard it is to keep a band-aid stuck to the bottom of your foot?)

Java Bean has broken over ten glasses, two plates, and one beloved coffee mug over the past few years. (I’m evidently not a fast learner, but I swear I can be trained!) Krupke never pulls shit like this, because he is a good kitty. The Bean is so bad that I literally had only two glasses left earlier this year, which meant I couldn’t have more than one person over to my apartment at once. I bought a new set of 12 from Bed, Bath and Beyond with one of those ubiquitous 20% off coupons and vowed to vigilantly protect them from felines.

We are now down to 10 glasses from that set. I broke one myself in my stainless steel sink when it failed to bounce. Last night Java Bean broke another one, despite the fact that I never leave a glass on a table for even 10 minutes after I’ve finished drinking from it. Java Bean has upped his game and pounced within that 10 minute window. He was probably inspired by the PBS special I was watching on the Columbia shuttle accident and tried to stage a reenactment. Then he started licking water droplets off of the SHATTERED GLASS, causing me to scream, “Stop doing that!” like the mother of an adventurous toddler. Then I locked him in the bedroom.

I might start taking bets on how high the counter will go until I have to reset it. Feel free to post your predictions below!

*PS – Yes, I know the counter currently says “1 days” which is improper use of the plural. Please do not sick the grammar police on me. It’s only wrong for one day and I didn’t want to make two graphics and write a PHP subroutine to adjust my CSS accordingly on that day. I have to stand guard around my dishware instead.

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Dawn • June 23, 2011 at 1:10 pm

This so reminds me of my new kitten, he’s a crazy little bugger. Sorry to hear about your glass deliemma I do totally understand. My new kitten it’s my new furniture and curtains that he’s ripping to heck. I feel like we are always yelling at him “stop that” lol. He seems to always be right there too wherever you are. The other day I was worried to death he was going to jump on the door of the hot oven, ekkkk. Anyway, I feel your pain (though not literally when it comes to shards of glass). (maybe try duct tape it will stick better) lol


Emma • June 23, 2011 at 1:12 pm

That’s a really cool counter. I like it Hopefully it keeps going up and up for a long time with no more broken glasses. But what if he breaks something other than a glass, will that be counted or not? ;-)


JenFul • June 23, 2011 at 1:23 pm

@Emma – You know, I was trying to think of a word that encompasses both dishware and glasses, but I couldn’t come up with one. He doesn’t break that many plates, so I decided to go with glasses. If he breaks a plate I might have to make another counter for that :)


Anne • June 23, 2011 at 1:34 pm

One word: Plastics.

My dear departed Dulcie used to do the same thing. She’d also drink out of them before knocking them over. I was reduced to drinking out of plastic glasses (oxymoron?) with lids and straws. I felt like I lived in a McDonalds.


Kim • June 23, 2011 at 2:47 pm

It is amazing how much cats can communicate considering they can’t talk to us. I guess they are smart enough that they don’t need to speak with words.


Michelle • June 23, 2011 at 2:57 pm

Well, I’m sorry about all your broken glasses… but still, Java Bean posts are my favorite!


Becca • June 23, 2011 at 3:07 pm

We had a cat when I was young that would open the cupboards and pull dishes out. We had to put latches and rubber bands on all the handles to stop her. She would also sit on the windowsill and bang the lid of the mailbox when she wanted in. The weirdest thing was she was deaf so she couldn’t hear the noise, but she knew we reacted to it.


Kris • June 23, 2011 at 4:24 pm

Grass is always greener….

Mine pee in my shoes.


Sarah • June 23, 2011 at 10:01 pm

I’m also with Kris. I’d rather drink out of plastic cups than deal with the fact my cat likes to wee on my bath mat as soon as I wash it. Grrr kitty.


Suzanne • June 24, 2011 at 6:09 am

I had 2 cats who also played push the glass off the edge game…must be genetic from when they lived in the pyramids…thats why they only find Eqyptian metal drinking ware.
I found that those old school cartoon heavy bottom cartoon glasses that McDonalds sold years ago work best. They don’t match any dish sets but they stay on the table! I think you can get them cheap on ebay. Get the round ones w/thick bottoms. The squared off ones are too light…crash!


Lisa Duncan • June 24, 2011 at 10:36 am

One of the cats in my past liked to chew on my jewelry. If I went to bed without putting it away, I would awake to things like a gold chain necklace hopelessly mangled and covered in cat spit.


Jessica • June 24, 2011 at 10:58 am

@Anne –
I had a Dulcie cat, too! A pretty little calico.
Man of La Mancha fan?


Jenn • June 24, 2011 at 12:33 pm

I’ve recently gotten hooked on Tervis Tumblers, which are shatterproof plastic, and keep drinks nicely warm or cool, depending on which you prefer. My favorite thing about them is that they don’t sweat, so there’s never an unfortunate puddle on the surface where your drink had been. They’re also available at BB&B, so you could use the ubiquitous coupon & try one out. =)


Kelly • June 26, 2011 at 9:59 am

When my cat Boo was a kitten he was constantly tipping glasses over, but he seems to have grown out of it as he’s aged. My theory was that he was trying to see what was at the bottom of the glass. I don’t think he ever managed to break anything. Although, he did once dump an entire mug of hot coffee onto my husband’s lap.


Adrienne • June 26, 2011 at 7:25 pm

Well, for a while I was keeping track of how many days it had been since my cat bit me… happily she is much calmer these days, and there are also some neighbor cats she can stalk instead of me. And thankfully she is an indoor cat so she will not be able to get those other cats!


Danielle • June 27, 2011 at 3:59 pm

My favourite mug is a stainless steel “computer” mug that I bought at Starbucks at least 10+ years ago – I don’t know why they don’t bring them back, I always get compliments on it when I present it to the baristas. It never tips over – great, since I’m pretty spacey in the a.m. until I drink the contents. (The down side: it won’t fit in the car’s cup holder, but you can put it on the floor and it won’t tip there either.

Like this one:


aj • June 29, 2011 at 3:28 pm

OMG I wish I had a counter like this! Misko, my big fatty, loves to swat things off tables. He’s seriously like a toddler – he doesn’t try to play with them even, just knocks things down just to hear them CRASH.

In the 18 months I’ve had him (and his equally naughty brother Hammie), Misko has broken 2 alarm clocks, 4 glasses, my favorite rectangle ceramic serving dish from Crate & Barrel, and scratched/dented/broken the cases on countless of my friends’ unassuming phones/iPods/other small electronics.


JenFul • June 29, 2011 at 4:28 pm

@aj – I hear you. Yesterday I noticed that my box of earrings is gone from its normal place…on a shelf beside the trash can. Three guesses for who did that and what landfill they ended up in.


Sheryl • June 30, 2011 at 1:25 pm

Mine prefers knocking the phone off the hook — I’ve had to make a box for it, with a little hole at the bottom for the cords, and when I’m not using it, and particularly when I’m not home, I have to put the lid on WITH a heavy rock on top. Fortunately she isn’t into breaking things – she doesn’t like crashes and other loud sounds.


JenFul • June 30, 2011 at 2:09 pm

@Sheryl – She might just want to make a phone call. You should get her a cell phone :)


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Chocolate & Vicodin: My Quest for Relief from the Headache that Wouldn't Go Away Half-Assed: A Weight-Loss Memoir

Jennette Fulda tells stories to the Internet about her life as a smartass, writer, chronic headache sufferer, (former?) weight-loss inspiration, and overall nice person (who is silently judging you). She was formerly known as PastaQueen. You can contact her if you promise to be nice.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for keyboards ruined by coffee spit-takes or forehead wrinkles caused by deep thought.

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