A ballsy move for someone who doesn’t have balls

Java Bean plots his next crime

I’d just turned the lights off to go to bed last night when I heard some undistinguishable noises in the kitchen which were then punctuated by a very distinguishable CRASH!!! That’s right. I regret to inform you I’ve had to reset the counter in my sidebar widget to reflect the fact that it’s been 0 days since Java Bean broke a glass. The little bugger had made it to 292 days, which isn’t even half his record of 614 days that ended in February of this year.

It’s rather ballsy to be this naughty so close to Christmas, especially considering that he doesn’t have balls anymore. If we had an elf on the shelf he’d probably knock that over too. I lay 100% of the blame for this incident on Java Bean. In the past I had been known to leave a glass on the coffee table at night which the Bean found so tempting to knock over that I figured it was akin to entrapment. I’ve been very diligent not to leave any glasses or mugs on the coffee table overnight, instead putting them in the dishwasher, or on the kitchen counter if I feel lazy. Last night Java Bean knocked off a glass on the kitchen counter, now nixing that as a safe place in the dishware protection program.

I think he did it to get my attention in a ploy to get me to feed him. At his annual vet checkup this year we noted that he’d gained a pound, so I’ve been much stricter about only feeding him at specific times of day. Java Bean doesn’t seem too happy about that. Which is why I was picking up broken shards of glass at 1:30 in the morning. Someone will not be receiving any Christmas catnip this year!

I’ll end this entry with the video for The Crystal Method song “Glass Breaker,” which always reminds me of a certain naughty black kitty.

Chocolate & Vicodin: My Quest for Relief from the Headache that Wouldn't Go Away
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Jen • December 14, 2013 at 10:59 pm

He still looks like a kitten! I think you are going to have to switch to Red Solo Cups.


JenFul • December 15, 2013 at 5:28 pm

@Jen – Ha! Yeah, but maybe I can get the fancy ones: http://shop.redcupliving.com/partyware/?sort=featured


Karen • December 19, 2013 at 12:28 pm

I kept my son’s cats for a while when they were living with his MIL (who was supposedly allergic to cats – ha!). His female knocked everything off – we couldn’t put everything away. We said she was helping the item commit to suicide!


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Chocolate & Vicodin: My Quest for Relief from the Headache that Wouldn't Go Away Half-Assed: A Weight-Loss Memoir

Jennette Fulda tells stories to the Internet about her life as a smartass, writer, chronic headache sufferer, (former?) weight-loss inspiration, and overall nice person (who is silently judging you). She was formerly known as PastaQueen. You can contact her if you promise to be nice.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for keyboards ruined by coffee spit-takes or forehead wrinkles caused by deep thought.


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