I was sorting through my old data CDs looking for something else entirely when I found this funny cat video I made way before funny cat videos were popular. I was a true visionary! I created the film for a digital video class I took in college, back when I weighed almost 400 pounds, which is obvious in the video. It’s called “Cat Scratch Fever” and it’s all about what I imagined Officer Krupke would do when I was away. Enjoy!
My family has a history of dumpster diving. Well, not dumpsters exactly, but we have found some marvelous things in the trash. That’s where my dad found my childhood tinker toys, and later an imitation Stradivarius violin that we sold to buy a piccolo in high school. So when I saw a three-story kitty condo discarded next to the dumpster in my new apartment complex, something in my DNA screamed “Me want!”
My enthusiasm was somewhat dampened when I started dragging this thing across the parking lot and realized it weighed more pounds than I’d like to lose. The dumpster is about 50 yards from my front door, but I had to take several breaks before I got it to the stairwell, where I had to flip it end over ear to the second floor. I felt no need to head to the exercise room after I got this thing inside my place.
Now, before anyone turns me in for kitty endangerment, I was sure to do a treatment of Revolution before the move, so no one is going to catch fleas or heartworms or other nasties from this thing. I also thoroughly vacuumed every nook and cranny of that condo with my neato vacuum attachments. The condo hadn’t actually been thrown in the dumpster either, just left next to it, so it wasn’t smelly or gross.
It was also free, which makes it ten times better than something you have to pay for! It must cost at least one hundred dollars, probably closer to two hundred. And as much as I love Java Bean and Office Krupke, I would never spend two hundred dollars on them unless they were in mortal danger. Plus, every time I see this condo I will be reminded of what a steal it was (almost literally) and how awesome I am for snatching it up. It is already a popular piece of furniture, and has several holes that serve for a good game of whack-a-mole.
The only sad part comes when I wonder why someone would throw out a kitty condo like this. Either 1) they were moving and didn’t want to move something so big and unwieldy or 2) their kitty died, which is such a horrible, sad thought that I’m really pulling to reason #1. Either way, it’s getting good use now. Best thing I’ve found in the trash this year!
I have moved to an apartment with 100% less pot smoke. Yay! I feel like such a grown up. Not only that, but I now have a washer, dryer, dishwasher, AND an ice maker. The ice maker was a surprise, but a frosty, fun one! The other surprise is how ecstatic owning renting all these appliances makes me. This too make me feel like a grown up, but in a less sexy way. I never thought I’d be thrilled to have a lint trap to clean.
Fortunately I scheduled my move the day before the heat wave of death struck the east coast, so I thank the weather gods for smiling down upon me. I suppose they’ll expect me to sacrifice a meteorologist to them in return. *sigh* I hired big burly men to move all my stuff and they were able to complete the move in 3 hours and 9 minutes. I felt like a lazy ass lounging around while they carried heavy objects from one second story apartment to another. But if I’d tried to help I would have been as helpful as a two-year-old helping in the kitchen who just spills cake batter all over the floor. So I read tweets on my phone instead, because I’m evidently becoming one of those people.
I moved from a 780 sq/ft two-bedroom apartment to a 630 sq/ft one-bedroom, and I’m rather surprised all my stuff fits. I have a nook for my office, but it’s smaller than my old office, and the rent is more expensive here because washer/dryer living don’t come cheap! All of which means the home office deduction on my taxes is really going to take a hit this year.
I’m about 75% unpacked, so the place is looking more like an apartment and less like a box factory. I’ve noticed that the rate of unpacking could be graphed like a descending curve, moving from the unpacking-tons-of-essential-crap-even-though-I-can’t-feel-my-arms period to the all-these-unpacked-cardboard-boxes-might-make-fine-coffee-tables period. Part of me wonders if I really need the stuff that’s still sealed up. When I moved I found at least one or two boxes that were still sealed up from my last move.
Anyway, I’m starting to feel settled in, and there are no longer any cats quivering in fear, hiding between the dress bags in the closet. The most comical part of my move was when my sweaty self stepped into the shower and I realized I was eye-level with the showerhead. I’m 5’9″, so it’s not like I’m a giant. This apartment complex is evidently Hobbit-friendly. I didn’t want to have to do squats to rinse my hair, so I bought a detachable showerhead which I mounted without a problem. I’m always happy when problems like that are easy to fix, unlike having loud, pot-smoking neighbors which you have to spend hundreds of dollars and dozens of hours of sweat to escape.
Jennette Fulda tells stories to the Internet about her life as a smartass, writer, chronic headache sufferer, (former?) weight-loss inspiration, and overall nice person (who is silently judging you). She was formerly known as PastaQueen. You can contact her if you promise to be nice.
Disclaimer: I am not responsible for keyboards ruined by coffee spit-takes or forehead wrinkles caused by deep thought.