Get off my lawn!

Get off my lawn

I’m not sure when I entered the get-off-my-lawn stage of aging, but I’m definitely there. I’ve never owned a lawn, but five years ago my apartment backed up to a grassy drainage area that kids liked to play in. Loudly. While I was trying to work from my home office. It was like living on a playground. I never yelled at those kids to get off my lawn but I thought it very hard in their general direction.

Five years later and I’m sitting in my home office at 1:00am and I can hear the bass beats from the music playing in the apartment across the hall. I cannot envision an age at which I would’ve thought it was ok to play loud music at one o’clock in the morning on a weeknight, but maybe when you’re young you’re stupid like that, oblivious that other people exist and they don’t want to hear your mad beatz.

All of which is to say I am now that cranky lady across the hall who left a voicemail for the rental manager complaining about your ass. It was me! I confess! And I really don’t care because obviously you don’t either. The funny thing is that I’m perfectly ok being that lady. I will age with grace, and part of that aging process is coming to a point where you start screaming at kids to get off your lawn without regret. I am there. I have reached that point. I just don’t have a lawn.

That said, maybe I should finally get one. I like that renting gives me the freedom from a lot of responsibilities. When the air conditioning broke three times this summer I didn’t have to call the AC repairman or pay him. I don’t have to mow the grass or pay property taxes. I like that if I want to go when the lease runs out I just go, and I don’t have to deal with selling a house. But as much as I like renting, I’ve realized I might hate other people more. And the only solution seems to be buying a house. Only I have no idea how much that would cost or if I have enough for a down payment or if I could even afford to buy something in the Chapel Hill area even though my credit score is CRAZY high (we’re talking 800’s) or if I’d end up next to a frat house, though I did live next to a frat house in Crawfordsville, Indiana when I was a kid and the Lambda Chi’s were very well behaved and bought lots of girl scout cookies and held one hell of an Easter Egg hunt.

Of course, there’s nothing like a subwoofer at 1:10 in the morning to get you to start Googling and at least entertain the possibility. I suppose that’s the first step.

I still have trouble introducing myself as a writer


“So what do you do for a living?” asks a woman I’ve just met.

“I’m a web site developer.” I reply. “I specialize in WordPress sites. What do you do?”

“I’m a writer. I’ve been doing a lot of advertising copy and ecommerce stuff lately.”

“That’s cool.” End of statement. I do not mention that I’m a writer. I do not mention that I have written two books published by traditional publishing houses. I do not mention that my old blog was so popular that at one point that it was covering my rent every month. I sit down and check my email and wonder, why do I still have such a problem introducing myself as a writer?

One problem is that if I tell people I’m a writer then I have to tell them what books I’ve written, which means we’ll have to have a conversation about my chronic headache and my lifelong struggle with weight. Then come the headache remedies and diet suggestions and oh-my-God please shoot me. This is a conversation I do not want to have with someone I just met. Of course, it’s my own damn fault for writing books about my chronic headache and my lifelong struggle with weight. Though one could argue that I wrote the books so I no longer had to talk about those things. Just read the books! It’s all in there.

The other problem is that if you introduce yourself as a writer, people want to know what you’re working on now, and I’m not working on anything now other than posting a blog entry once a week so I don’t owe Shauna five dollars. Even though I’ve written two books, I sometimes feel like a failure because I’m not currently writing the next great novel. I’m flattered and grateful that people are interested in what I’m doing or like my writing enough that they want another book from me, but it also makes me feel like a loser who is not living up to her potential. It’s a bit strange to introduce your self as a writer if you’re not currently writing anything.

However, it is rather silly not to mention that I’m a writer. There have been several times that a royalty check has saved my ass from eating only Ramen for the month. And if we’re playing a pure numbers game, there are more people in the world who know me primarily because of my books or blog than because I designed a kick-ass gluten-free blog. It’s also my job as an author to promote my own books, which is hard to do when you’re not telling anyone about them.

It can also be a bit awkward if someone I introduced myself to as a web developer learns that I’m also a writer, particularly when that person is also a writer. They must wonder why I didn’t mention it earlier. It’s like I’m protecting a secret identity that is so not secret. Partly, I don’t want anyone to feel like I’m showing off. Woo-hoo, look at me with my published books! I’m so fancy! Context has to do with it too. If I were at a blog conference I would introduce myself as a blogger first. I don’t know if I’d mention the books or not, but I’d mention I was a writer before telling them I was also a WordPress developer.

Introducing myself as a writer also make me feel slightly narcissistic or self-important, but that might be because I mainly write about my own life. Look at me! I’m so important! You should be interested in all the minute details of my life! I know some people suffer from “imposter syndrome” where they feel like any success they have has only come because they’re been faking it and eventually everyone will figure out they don’t know what they’re doing. I don’t feel like I suffer from that, though I probably did earlier in my career. I definitely feel like a writer, but I don’t feel the need to tell everyone that.

I don’t know if this will ever change. One day I might actually write the next great American novel, become filthy rich, give up web design, and then I might, maybe, feel ok introducing myself as a writer. Until then, hello, my name is Jennette and I’m a WordPress developer.

What a newbie learned about the World Cup

Soccer balls

There are three things I remember about the World Cup held four years ago:

1) The sound of vuvuzelas could not be ignored in clips shown on the news. YouTube even added a vuvuzela button temporarily to its player so you could add the sound to any video.

2) I listened to the final in Spanish on the drive back from the IKEA in Charlotte in an SUV I’d rented with my brother. We couldn’t find a channel broadcasting the game in English, but we could pretty much figure out what was going on by the excitement in the announcer’s voice. I also remember pulling up in front of my brother’s house, fiddling with the buttons to try to turn off the radio, and accidentally turning on the satellite radio we could have been listing to the whole time. Whoops!

3) There was a psychic octopus named Paul who accurately predicted the outcome of 11 out of 13 matches, and then died several months after the final.

I didn’t anticipate caring about the World Cup this year because I’m an American and as everyone knows, Americans don’t care about soccer. However, I’m with the rest of the world in thinking it should be called “football” and we should call American football something else. Regardless of my US citizenship, I somehow got sucked into the World Cup this year and watched several games. Honestly, I blame the Google doodles. They had so many cute, animated doodles running throughout the month that I felt like I should watch the games just to be more informed.

I didn’t play soccer as a kid, and I haven’t watched soccer on TV before, so I learned several things about the sport that seemed weird to me but probably are accepted as normal and obvious to everyone else on the planet.

There are no time outs
I was surprised to watch my first game and realize the players on the field were expected to run around non-stop for 45 minutes each half. Like, woah, that’s a lot of running. I’m so used to time-outs being part of game strategy in other sports like basketball and American football that it was bizarre to watch a game where the clock never stopped. How do advertisers feel about this? Half the fun of the Superbowl is watching all the clever ads during time-outs and other natural game breaks. It’s hard to think TV networks would be able to make as much money off of a televised soccer game as they do on an NFL game. The only ad I could spot was a little Coca-Cola logo next to the score bar.

No one knows exactly when the game will be over
Because there are no time outs, referees tack on extra minutes to the period to compensate for time lost by injuries and other stuff. But you never know how many extra minutes there will be until you cross the 90-minute mark. Knowing how much time you have left is so key to strategy in other professional sports that it’s got to be frustrating not to know how much longer there is in the game until it’s almost over.

On the bright side, they usually don’t add that many more minutes. I bet that makes it easier to predict how much television air time to block out for the match. In the fall I’m always annoyed that NFL games run long and bump the rest of the shows that evening to an unpredictable number of minutes late. It makes it really hard to program your DVR.

The referees are out on the field with the players
I’m used to seeing referees on the sidelines of games, but in soccer they’re out there in the middle of the field with everyone else. I’m surprised they don’t get run over more often than they do. And considering how seriously people take this game, I’m scared for what might happen to a ref who gets in the way and accidentally prevents a team from making a goal.

Something ALMOST happens all the time
During one of the games I was working on my computer but was listening to the TV in the other room. It was funny to listen to the announcer’s voice get really, really, excited and then….oh, sorry, no goal. And then to get really, REALLY, excited and…nope, no goal then, either. Repeat, ad infinitum. I finally understand why people scream “GOOOOOOOOOAL!!” when their team scores because there are about 10 fakeouts before you get the real deal.

As a result, it also makes people really, really happy when they score, happier than I’ve seen a team get in any other sport. I love how the team members run into a big group hug and all celebrate together, unlike in other sports where it’s usually just one person or a couple doing a victory dance.

The cup itself is kind of ugly.
I was disappointed when I saw the actual World Cup awarded to the winning team. It’s not that large and I think it’s kind of ugly, right up there with the mirror-ball trophy awarded to the Dancing With the Stars champs each year. Considering this is the biggest sporting event in the world, and FIFA is a corrupt organization that has a bazillion dollars, couldn’t they come up with something nicer?

The World Cup was fun, but I doubt I’m going to start watching professional soccer matches. I rarely watch professional sports of any kind unless I’m personally invested in the team for some reason. But four years from now I’ll probably tune in and I’ll definitely be looking for the cute Google doodles.

JenFul Playlist – April and May 2014

Ear buds

Every two months (or in this case three months) I post playlists of the songs I’ve been listening to recently. You can listen to the playlists in the Spotify players below if you have Spotify installed. If not, the playlists are listed in text below that. As always, you can follow me on Spotify here and view my other playlists here. I’ve commented on a few highlights below.

April 2014

May 2014


I haven’t been listening to as much new music lately. I’ve felt a bit swamped with work and haven’t been taking the time to look through the “New Music” emails from Spotify or to spend the evenings playing Candy Crush Saga with music videos on in the background.

That said, some of my favorites from this two month stretch are Gabrielle Aplin, Churchill, and KONGOS. It’s nice to see Beirut has a new release out too. I liked their song Postcards from Italy which was played on WOXY (R.I.P.) in 2006 or so back when that station was all I’d stream all day.

I’m also not really a country music fan, but a song from the TV show Nashville made the list this month. (Mediocre show, great music.) I’m also a bit surprised to include a Dierks Bentley song here, but I saw his episode of Crossroads with OneRepublic and liked the message of his song “I Hold On.” I still don’t know how to pronounce his name though.

April 2014

Bronze Radio Return – Up, On & Over
The Limousines – Love Is a Dog from Hell
Johnnyswim – Diamonds
Magic Man – Texas
Echosmith – Cool Kids
The Lone Bellow – Green Eyes And A Heart Of Gold
Mindy Gledhill – All the Pennies
Churchill – Lock Your Heart Down
Noah Gundersen – Ledges
David Bowie – The Prettiest Star – 1999 Digital Remaster
Casey Abrams – Get Out
Savoir Adore – Beating Hearts
A Fine Frenzy – Now Is The Start
Air Traffic Controller – You Know Me
Mr Little Jeans – Rescue Song
The Damnwells – I Will Keep The Bad Things From You
Haim – Forever
Beecher’s Fault – Turn the Page

May 2014

KONGOS – Hey I Don’t Know
Birds Of Tokyo – Lanterns
Moon Taxi – Morocco
Beirut – Santa Fe
Atlas Genius – Trojans
Nashville Cast – Is That Who I Am
KONGOS – Come With Me Now
Wild Cub – Thunder Clatter
Dierks Bentley – I Hold On
Ariana Grande – Problem

JenFul and The Case of the Mysterious Interstitial Ad

JenFul and The Case of the Mysterious Interstitial Ad

A full-page interstitial ad took over my browser a few weeks ago when I was visiting my blog, which was weird because I don’t have any advertising on my blog, and if I did I would never use a full-page interstitial ad because they are more annoying than my upstairs neighbor who moved out this week, thank the Lord! I thought it might be a fluke, perhaps something that was triggered by leaving a web page, not by entering my site. Then it happened a week later, and again two days after that, so I decided to put on my Nancy Drew hat to figure out what the hell was going on. Then I took it off and decided to put on my Veronica Mars hat instead because she’s way cooler than Nancy Drew and more in touch with modern fashion.

Unapproved advertising!

In case the ad was being triggered by malware on my computer, I ran a virus scan and also downloaded MalwareBytes to run a malware scan. A few cookies were deleted, but otherwise my computer was clean. Then the ad appeared a day after my scans, so it was fairly safe to assume the ad was not being caused by something on my own computer.

Next I asked my Facebook followers if any of them had seen the ad, and three people had. They were all using different browsers, so I figured it wasn’t anything browser-specific, but it was definitely something happening on my site.

Next I tried Googling which was the address of the page the ad forwarded me to. This is when I realized I’ve become spoiled by expecting Google to answer any question I have within the first 3 or 4 listings on the first page of results. When I Googled nothing helpful came up. A lot of people were complaining about the ad, but no one had figured out what was causing it. I had to wade at least 10 or 15 pages deep into the results before I found anything remotely helpful. Eventually I found a support thread on the forums in which someone had posted about the same problem 6 hours earlier. Over the course of the next day or two we finally figured out what the culprit was.

What was causing the ad to appear? For the solution to The Case of the Mysterious Interstitial Ad, turn to page 105… (or, um, just keep scrolling)

The culprit was SITEMETER!!

Any youngins out there might not remember Sitemeter, but it’s a free web stats service that was pretty popular before Google Analytics ate up most of the market share. If you’re wondering why I was still using it, I like that it’s simple. When I log into Google Analytics I feel like I’m operating the control panel of a space shuttle. There are a bazillion options and a bazillion ways to track goals and campaigns and other things that I do not understand. I feel like you would need to earn a degree in Google Analytics to fully understand every feature. The nice thing about Sitemeter was that you could log in and easily see how many pageviews you’d had. There were easy-to-understand bar graphs. It was easy to see your most recent page referrals. They’d also email a stats summary to you once a week that was handy and quick to read. Simplicity, it’s underrated.

Unfortunately, Sitemeter is now EVIL too and inserts ads on web sites without permission. And they might have gotten away with it too if it weren’t for you darn kids and Google! I’ve removed the Sitemeter code from my site and I haven’t seen the mysterious interstitial ad since. If anyone else runs into it after today, let me know. If you’re using Sitemeter on your site, I recommend you remove the code because it might be inserting ads on your page without your knowledge.

Thus ends The Case of the Mysterious Interstitial Ad. I think I’ll knock off work early, have a soda pop with Encyclopedia Brown and Sally Kimball, and find out what Bugs Meany’s been up to lately.

Keep reading: 

Want second helpings? Devour more entries in the archives.

Chocolate & Vicodin: My Quest for Relief from the Headache that Wouldn't Go Away Half-Assed: A Weight-Loss Memoir

Jennette Fulda tells stories to the Internet about her life as a smartass, writer, chronic headache sufferer, (former?) weight-loss inspiration, and overall nice person (who is silently judging you). She was formerly known as PastaQueen. You can contact her if you promise to be nice.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for keyboards ruined by coffee spit-takes or forehead wrinkles caused by deep thought.

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  • My mom lived in Palau when she was in Peace Corps. Not sure how she'd feel about 60 Minutes piece calling it "A forgotten corner of hell."
  • Does waking up early make anyone else's eyes burn? Just me?




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