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Fat girls and pretty girls use all the same excuses

Photo by Marc Nozell / by CC BY-NC 2.0

Do you remember that opinion article published last April in The Daily Mail? The one written by a woman who is hated by other woman because she’s so damn beautiful? Yes? No? It created a lot of buzz because the author came across as arrogant and deluded (which was probably the real reason people hated her), plus it was published on April 2nd, so it seemed like it might be an April Fool’s prank. I meant to write something about it at the time, but I’d gone off my meds at the time and wasn’t in a writing mood. So I’ll write about it now. Yesterday’s news today!

When I read Samantha Brick’s article my response was, “Oh wow, she’s taken the fat-girl excuse and inverted it.” You know the fat-girl excuse. No one will ever find me attractive because I’m so fat. I will never make any friends because I’m so fat. People never give me a chance because I’m so fat. The fat-girl excuse is a […]

Love is for the birds. Peregrine falcons, to be specific.

Of all the things I achieved at my last job, I am most proud of setting up the falcons on Facebook. I am not talking about a sports team. I’m talking about two actual Peregrine falcons, Kinney and KathyQ, who made their love nest in a box at the top of a skyscraper in Indianapolis for many, many years. Unbeknownst to them (presumably) they starred in their own reality show for many years, documented in 20 second intervals via the Indy Star FalconCam, which always got a huge boost in pageviews during egg laying season. Those birdies really helped us meet our traffic goals, and they didn’t have to burn down an apartment complex or commit a horrific murder to do it!

No one asked me to, but I decided the falcons needed a Facebook presence so I set up pages for Kinney and KathyQ. Then I handed the passwords over to the Falcon blogger, Laura, who did all the real work. That this was my greatest achievement in 1.5 years at my old job probably […]

Divorce and the end of all things

Photo by Claudio Vaccaro / by NC-ND 2.0 CC

Ten years ago today my parents’ marriage ended. The divorce was finalized months later, but today is the day my dad left suddenly and unexpectedly. I didn’t notice that today was that day until a friend emailed me this afternoon. She’s getting divorced too. That’s when I noticed the date and was like, Oh, right, October 9th. It must be National Divorce Day or something.

I’ve passed through many stages of adulthood. In my early twenties there was the Oh, wow, my friends are getting married! stage. Then came the Oh, wow, my friends are having kids! period. Now we seem to have entered the Oh, wow my friends are getting divorced! period. I’m not sure what stages will follow. Probably the Oh, wow, my friends are getting remarried! period, the Oh, wow, my friends are grandparents! period, and eventually the Oh, wow, my friends are dying! period. That’s a lot of exclamation points for all those periods.

I have at least three friends right now who are divorced […]

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Chocolate & Vicodin: My Quest for Relief from the Headache that Wouldn't Go Away Half-Assed: A Weight-Loss Memoir

Jennette Fulda tells stories to the Internet about her life as a smartass, writer, chronic headache sufferer, (former?) weight-loss inspiration, and overall nice person (who is silently judging you). She was formerly known as PastaQueen. You can contact her if you promise to be nice.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for keyboards ruined by coffee spit-takes or forehead wrinkles caused by deep thought.


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